thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
