My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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