I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
