Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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