Apparently you make a good broom.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
