Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
