I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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