I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
