WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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