Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
