return my video game
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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