I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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