hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
