Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
