that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize