Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
