Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
