My Higher Power is John Stamos
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
