I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
