Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
