After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
