The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
