why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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