a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
