May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
