I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
