u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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