is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
