I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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