There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
