I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize