well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
