My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
