I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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