Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
