In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
