Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
