Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
