peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Randomize
