Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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