Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
