Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
