I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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