why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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