so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
