Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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