I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
