Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
