how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
