I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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