your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
its not stalking. its research.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Im part way to drunk.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize