i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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