I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
