Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
