we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
