So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
