So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
