awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
