first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
