Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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