I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
