What did we do last night that was yellow?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
