i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
