so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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