Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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