Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize