I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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