Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
