Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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