It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
