Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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